i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
