If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
