you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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