i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
