I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize