...so i touched it.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Of course I have a pirate flag
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
