i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
