I wish I could teleport
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
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