he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
