Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
