I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
