two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
