you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
