You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
