There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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