Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
