I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
