I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
