stop calling my apartment porn island.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
