Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
