I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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