I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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