eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
All the doctor said was why
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
