I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
