I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
