I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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