no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize