That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
