Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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