Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
