Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
