I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize