Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
