I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
