Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You have to summon your inner elephant
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
