i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
