Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
