I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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