Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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