Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
