After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Drunk is not a location!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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