what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
