never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
