Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
