Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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