Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
