Betty ford says i'm here all night
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
