You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
