I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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