my soul wont recognize me after tonight
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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