Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
