Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
