You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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