after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
