The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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