I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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