We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
