is your mom at the bar?
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
