i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
