I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
