Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
