Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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