video games are the ultimate cock blocker
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
