I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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