drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
