North Korea, Best Korea!
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
my liver is dry heaving
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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