I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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