I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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