So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
