is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize