We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
