A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Those nachos came to me in a dream
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize