forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
