i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
