your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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