I smell stomach acid.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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